Changing Dads
🇬🇧 EN
← All guides

💛 Mum · Daily check-in + at least 1 evening a month

❤️ Your relationship after a baby: dodging the ‘baby clash’

Nearly 20% of couples split up within two years of a birth. The usual suspects: exhaustion piling up, routines going out of the window and barely a minute together. Looking after your relationship doesn't mean nicking time from your baby. When you two are doing alright, it helps keep the whole house going.

The 3 everyday communication rules

  • Bin the tiredness Olympics: nobody wins the ‘I've had less sleep’ contest. You're both knackered, each in your own way.
  • The daily check-in (10 min): every evening, take 10 minutes for just the two of you, with no screens and no baby in your arms. Talk through tomorrow's logistics, how you're each feeling and what you need.
  • Assume good intentions: start by assuming she's doing her best, even if she doesn't fold the bodysuits your way. And yes, that works both ways.

Make time for each other and call in backup

  1. 1. Book time together (from 3-4 months)

    Don't wait until you're on the verge of splitting up to go out. Block out one evening or half-day a month in the diary, just for you two. House rule: you're allowed to talk about something other than nappies.

  2. 2. Call in your trusted people

    Grandparents, godparents, close mates or a trusted babysitter: get used to leaving your baby with someone you trust for 2 or 3 hours early on. The earlier you start, the easier it gets to head out without worrying.

  3. 3. Say yes to help

    Someone offers to bring round a meal, run the hoover round or take away the dirty washing? Say yes, straight away. No medals for doing everything yourself. Every chore off your list leaves more time and energy for you two.

Classic mistakes

  • ❌ Waiting for it to ‘sort itself out’ Missing intimacy and feeling disconnected won't fix themselves just because time passes. You need to do something about it, even if you start small.
  • ❌ Feeling guilty about leaving your baby for a few hours Your child needs parents who are doing well and have each other's backs. Two hours out at a restaurant together is for their benefit too.

This guide doesn't replace medical advice. When in doubt, call your doctor or your local emergency number.